The Line.

This is just a story.

The Line.

I was checking out the last set of porn videos got from my friend’s hard disk and just when I was about to adjust my briefs, came a knock on the door. I decided not to curse that person, bearing in mind the fact that I had to get up anyway. I stood up and by the time I reached for the door, I kind of guessed who must be in the other side.

Housekeeping guy.

We have separate cleaning schedules for each hostel block and now that the time is 7.35, it must be my block.

I walked to the door, a good 50 seconds after I heard the knock. I know that guy would be waiting outside, looking at ‘something’ in the air. ‘Opening the door’ is an easy job for me but the next part is not. “Looking at his face”. Generally, I open the door and come back quickly to my bed pretending that I am doing something very important. But I knew that guy would look at me. I have felt his look on my face. I don’t know what he must be thinking. Won’t he have thought that there he is, 16 year old guy, who must be studying in a proper school in Orissa, is out here cleaning a schmuck’s room? I don’t know what that guy must be thinking, but he makes me feel only one thing.

Bad.

I, sincerely, wait for the 10 minutes of cleaning session to end as quickly as possible. But...but... that guy likes talking to me. The moment he comes to my side asking me to raise my legs so that he could sweep below, he asks this question daily with a smile in his face “Sir, classes hua kya? (Sir, have the classes gotten over?)”

And every time, I find it extremely difficult to reply to that question with a smile. I answer him looking at my computer, as though I am fucking busy on something. But only I know I am too damn afraid to look at his face. That ‘school-boy’ face which likes to talk about classes. This is social discrimination at its worst. I am in the 5th level of Maslow’s hierarchy table thinking what job ‘defines’ me as a person. And right opposite to me, is a kid, a school kid, working for the first level in that hierarchy table.

“Hmm” I reply as usual.

“Yeh chahiye sir? (Sir, Do you want this?)” he asks pointing to something in his hand. It was some exam answer sheet. “Nah” I reply and bring my face back to the computer.

Something struck me that instant and I asked him “English pata hai? (Do you know English?)”

He replies in affirmative. To my question of how good he is in that, he says he can read, write and speak pretty well. And all of a sudden, the noblest part of me woke up and I looked at his face. Straight.

“Padna chaatha hai? (You want to study?)” I ask him.

A Pause.

Now, it’s his turn of not looking at my face.

He continues sweeping the floor and answers “Haan sir... Padna chaahta hoon (Yes Sir. I want to study)”. I, then, start thinking as if I am some godfather and when I was about to tell him that I will take care of his studies, comes a reply.

“Mahar, mera family Orissa mein hai... usko paisa chaiye” (But my family in Orissa needs money)

“You can study and work” I tell him without even thinking for a second what that means.

He smiles back and says “Practical bolo sir... (Be Practical, Sir)”

And I started to regret that I initiated this conversation. Now, he is making me feel very bad.

I talk rubbish for the next three minutes clearly knowing that the ‘gyan’ I am giving him is not going to work in practice. Thankfully, he hears me out patiently thus not hurting my ego. He looks at me intensely for a few seconds after I gave that ‘speech’, smiles slowly and asks “Sir, mujhe dekh kar aapko bura ho raha hai kya? (Sir, Do you feel guilty seeing me?)”

WHAT THE FUCK! He hit the nail straight on my head. “Yes, Guilty is the word” I tell to myself.

“Kya? Aisa nahi (No. It’s not like that)” I tell him unconvincingly.

“It’s OK Sir. It’s not just you. Even the person in the next room said the same thing a few weeks back. The fact is that you all feel guilty seeing me. Even I feel the same way looking at children begging at streets. People who are above you (i.e) people who studied in better colleges than yours feel the same way about you.”

“WHAT?” I was completely taken back.

“There is nothing to feel bad about Sir” He gives out his housekeeping check sheet for me to sign. “Each individual has a line associated with him at different times of his life. Your happiness gets decided depending on which side of the line you are in then. Above or Below. Your line, right now, may be a combination of a job, a car, a house, a beautiful girl. Few years hence, it would be a nice school for your kid, big promotion et al. For me, right now the line is whether I am helpful for my family. And I am happy that I stay above my line. Do not get too worried about helping me. I can see that you want to help me with a feeling of guilt in your heart. Your eyes say that. Do not feel guilty. If at all you want to help, help with a smile in your face. But do remember that you need not feel superior or inferior to me. It’s just that your line and my line are different.

Somehow, the past thirty seconds of me listening to him made me feel extremely light. As if somebody used a big brush to clear my conscience. I ask him, this time with a small smile “How much are you sending home monthly?”