I
“I know that I should have done all these when I was in School, at least in College. But, what to do? Either I was afraid at that time or I didn’t find any girl that much interesting. For the last 1 month or so, this girl at office… I am seeing her too much often. Whenever I step out of the cubicle, she walks past me with a mobile on her ear, talking with someone. I go for a coffee; she is there. I come back from Food Court; she is walking towards me (to the Food Court). I come back from hockey practice, sweating; She gives a look. I mean… something must be happening between us. “I explained Partha.
The time was 12 noon and right then messenger windows across M.City would have lit by Blue. Ours were no exception. We decided to have lunch at Saravana Bhavan. Expectedly, everyone agreed. Who wouldn’t? After all the hype for Charminar meals. It isn’t that much good. Is it? I and Partha crossed to the opposite wing to pick Surendar and Balaji. While coming back to the B-wing lift, I saw the girl again, planning to take the opposite lift. Sleeveless green. Man…don’t I like that color? Open hair suits like a T to her personality. I was longing to have a deep look into her eyes. I grabbed all the three of them to the other side so that we can share a lift ride! Come on… Don’t laugh. I said right? I should have done all these in my school and college. But, what to do? Poor fellow I was.
I walked fast, should I say ran? We came just in time for the lift. But then, Shit!!! She was waiting for some one and didn’t board the lift. I gave one deep look at her, masking all the “bulb” I got and silently boarded the lift. I cursed my luck. Little did I know what was in store for me for the rest of the afternoon.
Initially, Suren didn’t like this girl. Not now! Actually, it is not possible not to like this girl. She is not one of your “scene-types” who try to behave like Angelina when they actually look like local Anjalai. She is not a ravishing beauty. But, you’ll be made to look at her. At least once! She doesn’t do anything extra like sporting an extra-fragrant perfume or a revealing dress. She is just herself!
Our walk to Ascendas which must have made me feel tired didn’t, because I was talking about this girl. We could see a lot of “hopeful-Infoscions” walking along with us to have a decent food today at least. Suddenly, one group stopped and started taking the opposite route. Partha enquired why and they said that the entrance is in the opposite direction. Hearing this, I t u r n e d b a a a a a c k! You guessed it right. There she was! To be honest, I don’t know what happened to me that time. I could not see anyone other than her. For me, at that moment, time stopped. Literally! If Mani Ratnam was there at that time, he would have shot “me looking at her” with a steadicam in his hand. The scene would have looked beautiful. Absolutely cinematic and unbelievably romantic!
“She must have seen me” I assured myself. Who wouldn’t? If some one looks at you this deep, you are bound to give one look at least. But, she just ignored. As if I didn’t even exist. May be she didn’t see me, but there is some thing more than “looking” you see. Everyone has their own magnetic field. She must have felt my vibrancy. I am sure I made an impact on her. All these while, Suren being a good friend and all, was poking me from behind to tell her that the entrance is in the opposite direction. “This is your best chance to talk to her…come on… come on” he urged. I adjusted my hair; kept my left hand in the left pocket of my jeans; rotated my mobile in the right hand and shifted my head to the left. All these were my humble attempts to “look casual”. She might cross me any moment. Shall I call her by her name or should I say Excuse me? I was in a fix. And then, she was walking past fast and I opened my mouth…
II
... and nothing came out of my mouth. Many times I forget who I am. Who am I actually? Deep inside my desires to talk with these beautiful girls and know them, there exists the real me - A very ordinary looking- insufficiently tall- adequately fat- darkish brown - lowly software engineer, who tries to be some one else all through his life. Not attractive for a girl, isn't it? The truth hits me right on the face every morning when I see the mirror - "Just be content looking at girls" "Don't get illusion-ed by the movies which you take so much seriously". Which girl would think of looking at me in the first place? What if I say something and she insults me in front of everyone? Its better I just look rather carry a big bulb for the rest of the afternoon.
I just let her go. You know what? I liked the feeling of letting her pass me. Just imagine that you are leaning on a wall and your favorite girl walks past you. Feels good isn't it? It’s much better if she doesn't look at you. No butterflies in your stomach and you have all the time in the world to look at her. To just look at her!
She walked fast before us while we waited there to confirm where Saravana Bhavan was actually located. Partha inquired a security guy who said that we were on the correct route and there is no need to take a different route and all. Partha gave a hard-hitting look at the group which had us confused for a while. But, I thanked them in my heart because... you know why! They made me turn back and thus I spotted her. By the time we started walking again, she was ahead of us by 300 meters approx. Partha was scolding me that I missed my chance to speak with her; Suren was smiling for the reason which he only knows; Balaji was calm as usual and me, Siva, can't believe his luck - he just got a chance to be near her for the next 1 hour. How lucky he must be!
I made Suren and Partha walk fast so that we could be near her. Balaji always walks fast. We reached the Ascendas food court and as expected my eyes started searching for her. There wasn't a big queue anywhere as the time was just 12.20 or some thing. I couldn't find her. There was a non-veg caterer before Saravana Bhavan and I was tempted to give it a try. I went to the counter and spent some time looking at the menu. "Too costly I thought". I just casually turned back and spotted a green tops some where. The crowd started swelling by then and I wasn't sure whether it was her. I searched again and there she was. She was in the end of Saravana Bhavan queue. I doubled my pace and got the most coveted place of the day.
I stood behind her.
I would be lying if I said I didn't try listening to what she was talking with her friend. They were actually discussing which meal to take. She looked at me twice - I am sure. But, I didn't look at her even once. That’s my problem. I go numb and dumb when a beautiful girl is near me. But, I like that feeling. Even here, I had the urge to do some thing. How about a plain smile? How about a casual hi? My “real me” just stopped me. I wanted her to know some thing about me. Some thing! At least she must know me. Just then............. as god-send, Suren shouted (literally) from behind "Siva...Siva... Siva... buy me 50 Rs. meals". She looked at Surendar and then looked at me. Holy Fuck! I couldn't control my excitement. She knows my name! I was shouting this in my brain. If I had my splendor that time and a beach near by, I would have driven my splendor on the beach exactly like Madhavan in Alaipayuthey shouting..."hey....ava enna paathutta....en pera therinjikutta( She knows my name)"
I came out of the queue; made Partha stand in the queue; took Surendar to a corner and gave him a Coffee Bite.